High School

Several things in my life lead me to ask this question right now: What is the magical pull some people feel to high school, to those "good old days" when everyone was a walking misery?

My neighbor had her twenty year high school reunion yesterday. For the past three months she's been burning the midnight oil trying to "better" herself. This skinny cow, The Neighbor, has joined Weight Watchers in order to loose weight that no one can see. She's tall and lathe, has four beautiful children and a wonderful husband whom she has been with since they were sixteen. I look at her and see unending beauty. I asked her if she's stayed in contact with her high school friends and she has. She took an early release program her junior and senior year so she spent the last two years of high school checking out at 12:00. I ask, why all the work to impress these people that don't mean anything to your core?

Another friend of mine is desperately trying to "reach" her ex-boyfriend. Why? She even visited the ex's sister the other day and now all she can talk about is how miserable the ex is. The Friend is married, five months pregnant and totally in adoration of her husband. What's so important about reaching your ex? The Friend talks about him frequently these days. The Friend says the ex married an awful woman, has two children and the ex is miserable. Why does The Friend care? For a while I believed that it was just her way of reconnecting to her past, she's pregnant and life is changing rapidly right now, perhaps she's just trying to ground herself and remember where she came from before her life changes in such a dramatic way. Then The Friend starting talking about how controlling the wife is, "She spammed my emails! I emailed him and said if he and the kids were ever in town, call me and we'd hang out!" The Friend said. So wait, you sent your ex an email and blatantly excluded his wife and you're upset because she spammed your emails? I would too. I'm not controlling, I just know the boundaries of my marriage. If it makes your spouse uncomfortable, don't step outside of those lines. I get angry at The Friend because she's trying to make her ex put The Friend in front of his wife. Don't do that. Don't ask another person to step outside of the boundaries of marriage. It all became very clear a few days ago. We were shopping and she, again, was talking about her ex. The Friend said, "You know, I just want him to see how good he had it with me. I want him to see how good I am." So it is about you. You need attention and you're seeking it from someone else's husband. Why can't I say my thoughts out loud? Why can't I warn her that she's treading dangerous ground? I'm afraid that if I say something, The Friend is going to blow up and blame me for figuring out that she's stepping outside of the bounds?

I wasn't "unpopular" in high school. I had a large group of friends, but when I left, I never felt like I needed to look back. I've never felt the pull to those days. Regardless of how many friends I had, those days were misery. Coming of age, making it through adolescence, no thanks. I love who I am now, but I don't feel the need to share it with anyone from my past.

PCSing

Friend: "Ugh. I still have unpacked boxes."
Me: "Girl! What's taking you so long? You've been there 10 days already! I'll drive down this weekend and help, okay?"
Friend: "You realize that's not going to make me unpack any faster, right?"
Me: "Yeah, but the margaritas will sure make everything better!"

I have plans for the weekend! A true military wife knows not to sit on her thumbs at home the day before The Husband comes home.

Why Civilian Families Sometimes Just.Don't.Get.It.

I think I'm sensative to this right now because I had a long conversation with one of my civilian friends this weekend about the differences in civilian/military friendships. Before I begin, I should make it clear that I think civilian friendships are a very important part of life as a milspouse. This weekend I was explaining to my civilian friend how excited I was that one of my old friends from Pope AFB/Ft. Bragg has been assigned to Ft. Riley and I can't wait to see her. She's an hour away! My civilian friend was wondering why military spouse friendships are "different" than those with civilians. After much "uh... well... ah..." this is how I explained it: A civilian hears a knock on their door when their husband is at work and they don't think anything of it. A military spouse hears a knock on their door while their spouse is "at work" and their pulse quickens, sweat peaks out of their hairline and they take a deep breath and open the door. A civilian wife is upset with her husband for spending $75 on a new video game and argues about it explaining that the $75 could have been put to better use, etc. A military spouse sees that her husband has spent $75 on a video game and she thinks, "there's repreive for my love at the end of the day. $75 is a small price to pay. Besides, it's not worth the argument." This friend that recently moved to Ft. Riley had undergone extensive treatments trying to get pregnant while stationed at Ft. Bragg. When they PCSed to Georgia a few years ago, they gave up the fight and stopped treatments. She called me early one morning and said, "You're going to the bathroom with me." "Great. Good morning to you too." "Guess what I doing" she said. "Uh... peeing?" "Yeah, but I have something with me" she further explains. "Really? What is it?" "Guess!" she teases. "Uh... don't know." "A pregnancy test! I didn't get my period this month!" she exclaims. So she was with child and she was talking to me when she found out. That's a military wife. Don't get your husband excited until you know for sure. Don't give him any reason to be distracted from his duties in the day. A civilian wife would not likely call her friend to share the anticipation with. I explained further to my civilian friend; military families move about every three years. We plunge ourselves into our next duty station, eager to meet the women of the squadron and immerse ourselves in community activities. We start "living" in our new home within a week. Civilian families can move accross the country away from their families and have to start over, but they rarely form the bonds that make their neighbors and community members "family". I explained that as a military spouse, you forge friendships with other women that are almost an extension of your own body. The friendships you make as a military spouse are more than mere friendships, these women become your family.

Since PCSing to Kansas I have taken a position with a company with 100% civilian employees. This is quite unusual for a milspouse. We're usually working beside at least one other milspouse if not mulitiple military family members to include retired/seperated military servicemembers themselves. I actually found employment with a group of nine other people with no military affiliation at all. This makes me subject to great scrutiny. People are curious as to how we live. They have questions that they feel since they are so "close to you" they should be allowed to ask. The Husband is away learning to be a Parachute Dude right now. He left a few weeks ago and will return this weekend. Of course, the woman I share an office with is ever so curious if not a bit spiteful. She asks me today, "How's The Husband?" "Oh, he's doing great! The Husband is crazy, but he's having a wonderful time. He had two perfect jumps on Friday!" "That sounds great, I'm sure he's having fun" she says. "Yeah, he's certainly enjoying himself." She continues, "When I was younger I had a friend who wanted to learn how to parachute. So she went up and learned all there was to learn, jumped out of the plane... but she didn't have a perfect landing. She died. At eighteen years of age." Shit. I know she wasn't trying to upset me and honestly, I took it with a grain of salt and rolled my eyes behind my computer monitor. I guess when you aren't confronted with military families everyday, you don't realize that there are certain things you just. don't. say.

Something to add to the conversation with my civilian friend about the difference of military friendships and civilian friendships. Military wives know when to keep their mouth shut.